This is a day of thanksgiving for Harry and me; we’re celebrating our thirty-eighth wedding anniversary. The day will be spent helping couples who feel like they can’t even last the week together, let alone thirty-eight years. What they don’t realize, and what we strive to teach and show them, is that there is tremendous hope for them, and it is to be found in the gospel of Jesus Christ. For most of them, their response is “I know that. I’ve done that. I need something more.”

Ah, children. You really don’t know yet. Be still; listen. Learn. Trust and obey. The path to hope and restoration is not to be found in counseling or self-help books or twelve steps or even twenty steps. Listen to Jesus: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what shall a man give in return for his life (Matt. 16:24:26)?”

Jesus said those words to his disciples just after he had foretold them of his death and resurrection. Peter had just said, in effect, “No way, Lord!” In the midst of their fear over what may happen, Jesus’ response was to tell them to deny themselves, take up their cross, lose their lives, and follow him. I wonder if the disciples took his outrageous words as good comfort. Most often, we don’t.

Our years of marriage have been much more than we anticipated as we stood at the wedding altar and vowed faithfulness and fidelity before God and our guests. We have been sorely tested. Death, disease, disability, chronic illness, heartache—all unchanging circumstances that continue to drive us to our knees. God’s present, outrageous remedy for those situations is this: deny yourself, take up your cross, lose your life for My sake, follow Me. Trust and obey.

That is the call of the gospel for every situation in life. In the midst of anyone’s fear of what has happened, what may happen, or surely will happen, the remedy is the same. Our ‘wanting more,’ our belief that the gospel is not really good news and is inadequate for our particular circumstance, leads us into a discontented scramble to find relief according to our liking. In trying to save our life by our own means, we’ll end up losing it. The very thing we desire, we will destroy with our own hands. That’s what Jesus said, and we will at the last find his words to be true.

Hebrews 12:2 speaks of Jesus, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God.” It is becoming clearer to me that a real understanding of the joy set before him, and the reality of his being seated at the right hand of God will change our perspective from a preoccupation with what we demand here and now to the joy set before us. Grasping that will loosen our grip on our paltry attempts to find life on our own. If we wholly believe in the glory of heaven—in the joy set before us, we can afford to throw ourselves without reserve into the work of the kingdom of God. That is, into our messy lives, including loving a wayward or unlovely spouse, family member or friend and everyone else we come in contact with, even though it will absolutely require us to deny ourselves. Jesus has not only left large footprints for us to follow, he has provided all we need to walk in them. And if we are his follower, he’s left us no room for opting out and creating our own path.

On this anniversary day, Harry and I are astonished at the grace, mercy and faithfulness of God throughout every part of our marriage, even when we have been faithless. He has declared that we are his; that he joined us together for the distinct purpose of serving him. As we lose our lives for his sake, we find his everlasting life springing up within us and flowing outward to others. That is the faithful, and ongoing, work of God. As we look forward, we know that he will complete what he began in us together, thirty-eight years ago. And that, to us, is a wonderful, stunning truth.

Happy Anniversary, Love.