Between
by Rosemary ~ July 1st, 2007For thirty years now, today is a between day for my husband and me. Yesterday marks the anniversary of our daughter’s birth; tomorrow marks the anniversary of her death. These days have a heaviness to them, a bittersweet sorrow that hovers around my head and shoulders and heart. Sorrow has kissed us full on the mouth; the acid taste of death planted until That Day. The mystery of Why? is settled in this one ultimate answer: that our hearts would be changed, that God would become the everlasting source and object of our affections. Our daughter’s short earthly life has served to narrow our vision and our hope to one focal point: God and his glory. Chromosomes playing havoc on her body and on our hearts have finished their work, interrupted by grace.
The fact remains that we are all still between. Yesterday was Christ’s birth and death; tomorrow he comes. Today, the acid taste of death lingers on our mouth. Mourning has not yet turned to full-fledged dancing, but there is a stirring in the heart, an anticipation of the joyous inevitable.
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “ Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning or crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” -Revelation 21:1-4
The tears that sting my eyes today will be forever wiped away by one touch of the hand of God–himself!– to my face. The sorrow that lays heavy on my heart today will vanish, never to return. How I long for that moment!
In the meantime, we are between. We wait, we groan, we sorrow, we anticipate. Even more, we look to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), who for the joy set before him, endured the cross. We participate in his suffering, we join in his glorious work to make him known to the world. We echo his words, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit” (Luke 23:46), knowing full well that those are the hands that formed us, that redeemed us, that preserve us, and that will, on That Day of Days, wipe away our tears.
July 1st, 2007 at 2:40 pm
I hardly know what to say, Rosemary. Nothing seems adequate.
I am moved to sorrow with you and moved to rejoice with you.
I guess I am in between, too.
Hiraeth,
Kim
July 1st, 2007 at 4:01 pm
One day we will all be rejoicing in fullness with our God. May we continue to enourage each other during this “between time.”
A few days after you posted your testimony on the blog I was able to print out your story and share it with my neighbor who lost her little girl at 2 days old. She is still struggling with knowing that God is good even in the midst of this deep pain. I know your story touched her heart. Today is the 1 year anniv. of losing her daughter. I will now be sharing this post with her also. God is still using your little girl’s short life on this earth to show God’s glory. I pray God’s peace continue’s to comfort you.
July 1st, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Kim, thank you for sharing my sorrow and for rejoicing in the certain glory that is to come. I had never heard the word ‘Hiraeth’ until I read your blog. But I’ve known its meaning for a long time.
Lisa, I am so, so thankful that what I’ve shared about our life has helped your friend. God has comforted us in our sorrow so that we may be able to comfort others with the comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted by God (2 Cor. 1:3-7). I will pray for her that she comes to deeply know the abundant mercy and comfort of God, and that she will find rest in his good sovereignty.
July 1st, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Between is indeed the loveliest and most bitter of thoughts, because in this space He has granted us the grace and hope of knowing that tomorrow’s fulfillment does come, but not yet. When my husband and I were dating in anticipation of being married, we ended our conversations with the phrase, “till this time tomorrow.” Meaning of course not only the actual but the figurative. Since my son’s death in 1996 “till this time tomorrow” has taken greater depth as well.
As Kim aptly put it, to both mourn and rejoice with you dear friend, is the comfort from God that He has both given and shared with us that we might share it with you.
July 2nd, 2007 at 3:44 am
Beautiful post. I’m sort of new to your site, but really like what I have read so far. So, I’m tagging you w/the 5 things you love about Jesus meme as well as giving you the Rocking girl blogger button. Come by my place to pick it up. Thanks. The link for the meme is in the post title.
July 2nd, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Thank you for sharing your sorrow. I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you and praying for you. Gods Blessings.
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Thank you, Elle. As I wrote, I thought of you too, and your little son. How good that we know the comfort of God so richly that we can rejoice in His good purpose, even in the loss of our children. Only God can do that!
Sista Cala, so glad you came to my blog, and I hope you return! I really never thought I’d ever be called a Rocking girl blogger! Pretty spiffy for a 60 yr. old lady. I’ll be happy to visit your blog home.
Sifted Heart, I so appreciate your thoughts and your prayers for me. That’s the best thing on earth anyone can ever do, and it means a lot.
July 5th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
I cannot fathom, for I fear to imagine, the passing of a child. It is beyond what my heart can bear. I know only the death of my beloved brother, now resting safe in the arms of Jesus. Those Hands, those Hands. How I long to see the Father’s Hands.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Rosemary,
Your words reflect such honesty and transparency and FAITH–here in between, in the not yet, to wait on Him, our hope of glory, knowing we cannot go anywhere else–He holds the Words of life! Praise God, this world is not all there is…
Thank you for sharing so deeply from your heart…
Lisa
July 6th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Oh, Rosemary. Such a beautifully moving and bittersweet post. I do not have words to say, but thank you for sharing such deep thoughts of sorrow mingled with such hope.
July 9th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss of a child. That is a heart break that only those who have experienced can know. This post was just beautiful. I love the idea of being between…knowing that the Lord ordains it all before us and His coming will be the greatest happy ending of all times.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart and your wisdom. I appreciate it.
Praise God!
Kim
July 10th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Rosemary, I’m a bit behind with reading your blogs….after reading this one my heart aches with yours and I wish I could throw my arms around you and cry with you….bitter sweet tears they would be. God has given you such a sweet spirit…it permeates all around you even in your time of grief. Thank you for opening your heart and staying faithful to the one who will eventually bring ultimate relief to our pain and sorow. Love, Jennifer
September 5th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Rosemary,
Thank you for posting…I am sorry for the pain you have been through and that you are going through. I think I view life through some pretty red-rose coloured glasses and I am just being to realize the pain that is involved in living life in a fallen world…so thank you for your honesty and also for the hope that you also write about!